NFL Festivus Airing of Grievances for each NFL Team
Philadelphia Eagles
Nick Foles, Chip Kelly, LeSean McCoy, and others make up for these grievances, but there’s still plenty to be upset about in Philly. For starters, Cary Williams was the worst free agent signing that anyone made this offseason. Not only is the guy making a good amount of money, but he wasn’t even good to begin with. Then, he immediately causes problems in Philly by skipping out on workouts in the offseason, arbitrarily picking a fight with a rookie receiver to make a statement about the defense (maybe a statement about an inferiority complex or something, or maybe he just still really hates the Patriots), and by genuinely being bad. Oh well, at least Brandon Boykin and Bradley Fletcher (the former especially) are good.
But wait, there might have been a worse free agent signing than Williams? And the Eagles made it? Patrick Chung‘s deal wasn’t as bad as Williams (he’s a class act and leader), but he earned a long-term deal despite his injuries and inability to cover. Plus, for some odd reason, the Eagles like playing him at free safety, but it’s not like there are better options.
Dallas Cowboys
You followed up last week’s debacle against Green Bay by nearly losing to the pathetic Washington Redskins. Insolence, right? Jason Garrett‘s seat is as hot as anyone’s, but Cowboys fans have a lot more to grieve. As long as Jerry “What the heck is this salary cap thing about?” Jones is GM and owner at the same time, then the Cowboys will be mired in mediocrity. And oh yeah, have you seen that defense? Morris Claiborne being a bust to this point (mostly due to injuries) and injuries to Sean Lee and Anthony Spencer haven’t helped, but I guess you can still blame everything on Tony Romo if you want. Oh, and keep making up criticisms to throw at DeMarco Murray, because the 11th-most missed tackles among all running backs isn’t enough for you (thanks to PFF for that nugget).
New York Giants
Time to overhaul the entire offensive line, because Eli Manning can’t do anything of note if he’s terrified for his life. And Hakeem Nicks? It was nice knowing you. The Giants are deep enough at receiver, and they can use the money they would have spent on Nicks to pick up a true No. 1 corner.
Washington Redskins
Where do I start? RG3, why couldn’t you have been healthier and better so we could have avoided all of this nonsense? Get well soon. Dan Snyder, why did you have to exalt RG3 to deity status, be stubborn and cruel, and give Mike Shanahan a buyout clause? The Redskins need to make upgrades in the secondary as badly as anyone, and adding a No. 2 wide receiver to help out RG3, Pierre Garcon, and Jordan Reed would definitely help.
Carolina Panthers
If Steve Smith is out for an extended period of time, then grievance No. 1 is easy. But what else is there to complain about? Oh, I’ve got it: Byron Bell. The right side of the Panthers offensive line is what gives Panthers fans nightmares about Cam Newton getting knocked out. Thank goodness he’s bigger and tougher than most QBs. Can’t say the same about Jonathan Stewart‘s ability to avoid injuries, and his bad luck with the injury bug is a grievance of its own. And Gettleman? Please get a talented WR if you can, because Smith ain’t getting younger and Newton deserves one. Greg Olsen is an awesome TE and Brandon LaFell and Ted Ginn Jr. are nice pieces, but it’s time to take the offense to the next level.
New Orleans Saints
I hate out left tackles, and I hate how a mediocre left tackle like Jermon Bushrod can end up getting a ridiculous sum of money. Drew Brees had better have good protection here on out, because he can’t have any impediments in shootouts. Why? Jabari Greer and Kenny Vaccaro are injured, and the pass defense can’t be trusted.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Four key offensive players in Carl Nicks, Mike Williams, Doug Martin, and Mike James have suffered significant injuries this year. But the biggest grievance of them all? Greg Schiano. To some Buccaneers fans, he’s like the ketchup stain you can’t get rid of.
Atlanta Falcons
Same boat as Texans fans. If only Roddy White, Sam Baker, and Julio Jones were healthy for the entire season. If only Matt Ryan didn’t have to do everything due to a dysfunctional offensive line and defense. If only John Abraham were willing to stay. If only Tony Gonzalez could stay for another year.
Green Bay Packers
The Aaron Rodgers injury. That’s enough grief to write a book on the subject.
Chicago Bears
Last night’s box score; injuries to Charles Tillman, Lance Briggs, and Henry Melton; the entire defense, really.
Detroit Lions
That’s it Jim Schwartz. This collapse can’t be forgiven, and it’s time for you to pay. We had less injuries than the Packers and Bears, and our roster is better than the roster of both of those teams. Yet, here we are…out of the playoffs after a collapse the Cowboys would be proud of. We’re undisciplined, and we lost to the New York Giants on the same day that both the Bears and Packers lost. You’ve escaped scotch-free for far too long, and you are a bigger source of grief than that slimy box of pizza that costed Nate Burleson several games.
Minnesota Vikings
Josh Freeman should be pleased by your act of charity, but you can make up for that signing by firing Leslie Frazier. The gameplan on defense has been criticized by players throughout the season, and it’s time for Frazier to go and for a new QB to come in. Just make sure it’s someone who has a decent arm. But it’s not all your fault, coach, because we’ve had some awful luck at the end of games. I mean, remember that Ravens game? It’s time to add a legit shutdown CB, and hopefully that makes up for letting Antoine Winfield go.
Seattle Seahawks
I know it’s legal in the state of Washington, but why’d you have to do it Brandon Browner and Walter Thurmond? Don’t put yourself in that position. But anyway, biggest grievance is against Goodell’s office here. I hope you go down hard for this Browner fiasco.
Another grievance? Percy Harvin‘s fragility.
San Francisco 49ers
Sometimes, you can’t help but think what the San Francisco 49ers record would be had Michael Crabtree been healthy for the whole season.
Arizona Cardinals
Screw this division, why can’t we play in the NFC East or something?
St. Louis Rams
Don’t worry, we hate this division, too. We also hate season-ending injuries to our starting quarterback, especially ones that force us to start Kellen Clemens. Moreover, our Pro Football Reference SRS score was higher than every team in both the NFC East and NFC North, coming into this week’s slate of games. We’re a solid 6-4 outside of this cutthroat division, and that’s without a functional secondary. Robert Quinn for DPOY, right?